My Daily Ommmm

I get this daily email from a site called, the Daily OM. Okay, a little hokey maybe, but every day I get these little bursts of insight in my inbox that actually have a little meaning and relevance to my every day life. They are not religous really, but more like a self reverence, or in my case, quite often... an "A-HA!" moment.

My every day life seems to move by much too quickly and I rarely take a moment to reflect on anything that is self improving or self reflective. I wake up each day and pretty much follow my same daily routine. My morning routine, in additon to the family and kid preparations, includes a moment to make my bible for the day, AKA: The Daily "To Do" List. I list all sorts of things on this list. I list things like "Take a Shower, Work Out and Feed Kids." But I also list things like "Clean out Basement Crawlspace, Do Taxes, Get a Tattoo and Organize Photos from the last 9 Years." I find my list completely entertaining each day as I carry it around like a little secret in my purse. I take it out and blissfully cross things off as I complete them! That is why my list is so long. I LOVE to cross things off! I had a success in my day! Yay me! I did it! My day was not completely lost in phone calls, emails, mundane tasks or wandering around.

But I also find that at the end of my day, I'm still left with an awfully long list. A list that in the back of my mind still makes me feel like I failed. Which is funny, because the list is ALWAYS too long for any human being to complete in a 24 hour period. And the list has things on it that I will probably NEVER do. I like to look at the list as motivation, but I wonder why sometimes I just know, right when I write it down, that I will not complete it. I set myself up for disappointment on a daily basis. My daily victories are sometimes overshadowed by the small failures.
Don't get me wrong, I know I am not a failure, but I also know that I have a tendancy to sabatoge myself without really trying. Doing things that I know are not good for myself or my time, but I do them anyway. We choose the wrong foods, the wrong activity, the wrong company or the wrong use of our time, but deep inside I think these parts of ourselves need to be nurtured, or at least acknowleged. I'm sure this is why teenagers rebel, middle agers go through crisis and so on. We don't allow ourselves to be "naughty" or to think outside the box, or outside the norm, at least. We make choices that are not best for us, but really that deep seeded part of us doesn't really want to heal. It's not really sick!

But. As life speeds by far too fast, I'm ready to make a few more self rules: (Some might call this the I Just Turned 40 Panic List).

I'm striving to be more kind to myself.

To let myself off the hook.

To not wake up in the middle of the night and write more things on my list.

To just "let it go," perhaps pass it on to a higher power.

To play more.

To accept my failures.

To strive to do a little better each day.

To slow down and watch my children grow.

To nurture my family.

To challenge my mind and my body.

Hopefully setting myself up for everyday successes, I'll learn to forgive myself for the every day failures. I can't promise that I won't carry around my little notebook and sharpie pen, but I'm also going to try to celebrate each day's small victory.

the sport man

Over the weekend during my basketball game everyone said "you were on fire"after the game,because in the first half I had around 10 points. I also had a lot of steals and tips to Simon. We won the game 26 -8 against fourth graders. Then in soccer I scored 0 points, but my dad said I did great when I out ran the other team and got close to the goal and shot but they had a really good goalie.

Ski Break

I had the best time skiing and tubing in Copper! After lodging in our friends apartment, we were off to ski. Up the lift and to the top of the bunny slope, I started to get exited. It was my first time skiing unless you count lessons. Swoosh! jetting down the slope as fast as an airplane, I rememberd, Pizza is slow and french fry is fast. Carving a curvy long snake in the snow, I was nearing the bottom. After what seemed like hours of fun skiing, we finally went back to the apartment and settled down. Drifting slowly into a deep sleep. The very next day, we rode up the lift to the tubing hill. Once the safty rules were said, I set off to a tube. I rode down the hill many times before I was ready to do it spinning. It was a shame to leave that fun place, but I could not stay for the rest of my life. I had a great time and I hope to go back soon.
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